How many of us have found ourselves stuck in what feels like an impossible or overwhelming rut of poor eating/exercising habits, only to cycle through a series of quick fix solutions, fad diets, and even considering invasive medical interventions? 🙋🏼♀️
Very seldom, however, do we consider patterns as solutions. When we find ourselves stuck in a negative cycle (or pattern) we tend to look for that one magical solution, a quick fix that will finally solve, in short order, the problem(s) we have spent months or even years creating.
These problematic patterns can be found in so many areas of our lives. Everything from ongoing marital conflict, addiction to harmful substances, spending too much money on routine coffee runs or shopping sprees, lack of involvement with our kids, losing our temper too quickly, or neglecting time with our families through social media use, investing in time consuming hobbies, and/or staying late at work. All of these “problems” listed above have one thing in common - typically none of them are problematic when they occur in isolation, but rather, pose major problems when they become a pattern.
Most couples expect to have at least one marital spat during their time together, and MOST substances (with the exception of risky drug use) aren’t harmful when we have just one encounter. However, especially things that are addictive in nature, have risk to trying even one time BECAUSE they come with a high risk of developing problematic PATTERNS (or addictions).
The list goes on of things we can do, try, or singular mistakes we can make with little to no risk of causing damage or harm to ourselves and those around us, but almost anything (even good things) when not kept within limits or moderation can be harmful to us. That is exactly why I consider our patterns and habits to be some of our most powerful enemies, and also our most powerful allies.
While there’s no one-size fits all option to changing our patterns, taking a deep look at the patterns in your life and asking which ones are serving you well and which ones are dragging you down can be a first step in creating the life of ease, confidence, and freedom that you’re searching for.
Questions to consider:
1. When did I start this pattern?
2. What else was going on for me at that time?
3. When did this pattern make sense in my life or perhaps serve me well?
4. Who else has this pattern in my family and who might I have learned it from?
5. What would a new pattern look like?
6. What outcome would be different not just in how I behave but in how I FEEL if I
were able to trade my old pattern for a new healthier one?
7. Who else in my life might benefit from this change in me?